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June thought she had things under control. The last fuck before they slept was wonderful and by the time Dan came, he was close to passing out. June had more stamina; two hundred days of training had to be worth something. She pulled Dan close, making sure he stayed on top of her, keeping his cock inside her and stroking his head until he fell asleep.Feeling the pressure of his body on top, crushing her into the soft mattress made up for all those nights in New York when she’d lain in a sweaty cooling bed, still throbbing from being fucked but sleeping alone. It had been hard but she had always known that none of those men could spend the night. With her arms around Dan and the movement of his chest forcing her to breathe in synch, she fell asleep in heaven.He woke after a few hours but by then she was sound asleep. For a moment he was disoriented but seeing her face in front of him, even in the dim light, was enough to awaken his memory. He smiled, slowly placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and began to slide out of her. It took a minute to ease himself to the side of the bed and then another to creep to the bathroom.He closed the door and sat, conscious of not being alone for the first time in two hundred days, trying to pee silently so as not to wake her. He was almost ready to return to bed when his memory caught up with him. Still drowsy and sitting listening to the liquid sounds below him, his mind began to fall back into his dreams.He saw June, naked on a bed, except she was barely visible under a big guy doing his best to drive his massive cock right through her. It was a ridiculous image, manufactured in some way by his overactive imagination, but that was the point, wasn’t it? It was beyond real, and deep down he knew that whatever the truth was, his brain could always invent something worse.Most days of the week he was a confident man. He had always deliberately cultivated a proper amount self-doubt because that was how you learned. It kept you grounded, stopped you overreaching yourself. He couldn’t stop his well-trained brain asking if he had over reached when he married June? Was she too much for him?Whatever the truth of it, his brain could invent any number of bigger more impressive lovers for June. If this had been work, he could have dealt with it; he knew how to handle bullies and difficult people, but here there was no escape, the bully was in his imagination. A superior man who could best him and belittle him, who knew his every weakness. He couldn’t abandon June, couldn’t walk away, but how could he cope? He was trapped in a nightmare.Had her taking the course in New York been a mistake? She’d blossomed; she’d empowered herself. It was impressive, awesome, but what had he done? While she had become a new woman all he had done was renovate a wrecked old house, getting it ready for a marriage that would never be the same. He’d never catch up. Sitting there in the bathroom he couldn’t find the energy to stand. What time was it? His watch was by the bedside, but what did it matter? It was the middle of the night; the middle of a nightmare, time might as well stand still.There was no way she could not have gone to New York, she’d have been fired if she hadn’t, and they needed the two salaries, and now she’d earn more as well. They’d agreed it way back and then there’d been the rush to get married before she went and they’d seen the house and it all seemed perfect.She’d go away and he would do up the house, starting with his office so that he could do his design work at home. He’d keep busy, save on commuting and they’d end up with something great. They would have the idyllic life they’d imagined in a beautiful house for half the money it would cost on the open market. Now here he was sitting in the dark wondering where it had all gone?He tried to close his eyes, somehow Pendik escort bayan hoping that would shut out the bad dream. For a moment he thought it was working until he felt the tears running down his face. The nightmare was inside his head, not in the bathroom. It was all around him, inescapable. He pressed the flush and stood silently leaning against the wall as the sound of the plumbing subsided. Eyes closed, tears streaming down his face he didn’t hear the door open, didn’t hear her tiptoe towards him, didn’t see her stop, inches away, her face collapsing in sad horror as she saw his tears.”Oh God,” she whispered. “What have I done to you?””I can’t get it out of my mind,” he said, almost as if he was talking to himself.”Oh shit,” she said for the second time that night. “Dan, wake up, you’re having a bad dream.”His eyes opened, the lids dragging slowly upwards and then suddenly staring and wide at seeing her there.”Was I dreaming? Did I say something?””You moaned when you flushed the john,” she said, trying to sound matter of fact. “I thought maybe you weren’t well. You are okay, aren’t you, you haven’t got food poisoning or anything?””No, I’m fine, I just had to pee.””You’re not fine,” she said. “You’re crying. How long have you been here?””Don’t know, ten minutes, maybe twenty. I don’t know.””Come back to bed, darling. Standing here in the dark won’t help anything.” She linked her arm through his and drew him gently towards the door. In the bedroom she let him sit on the bed and then knelt in front of him.”Tell me about it,” she said. “I’m not going back to sleep until I know what I’ve done to you.”She took his cock in her hand, stroking slowly, kissing it from time to time. She didn’t so much interrogate him as make space for the words to come out. Smiling, stroking, kissing, creating a safe space for him to somehow sink into and talk. His fears came first – how would he know she loved him if she had all these men in New York and never told him – how would he know? How would he believe anything ever again? It went on from there until finally, he managed to say the most important thing, the deepest fear, that was so hard to say.”What, um, what if…””What if what darling? I can’t guess, I can’t say it for you.””If I’m not good enough, not, not what you want, not what you need.””I’m here.” she said and said it with as much finality as she could muster, not angry, not sarcastic, just a very solid statement of reality.”Now,” he said, “but what if you need more and better?””Better?””Better than me. I saw that footballer yesterday, stronger than me, bigger than me, I bet he has… um, well, I dreamed I saw you with… with this huge guy with a monster cock and I felt like nothing, like nobody. I yelled at him in my dream and he didn’t even hear. I couldn’t shout loud enough and you didn’t look at me at all, you never knew I was there.””Daniel, you’re not dreaming now.” She slowly stood up, let go of his cock and forced him to look at her. “I’m truly sorry, I’m heartbroken that you had that dream darling, and I should have thought of that, but dreams are strange things, if you work at it you can change them. Did you know that? Maybe that’s something we’ll need to learn to do. In New York, I dreamed of you. I should have told you that on the phone, but I didn’t because it hurt too much to say how much I missed you.””You did say.””I know, but if I’d told you about the dreams I would have broken down. I, well, I couldn’t face saying how much I missed you.””But you slept with all those guys.””I didn’t sleep with them.” This time there was ferocity in her voice. “I was wide awake when I fucked them. None of them stayed the night – they often wanted to but I said no. I always phoned you afterwards and I slept with you in my dreams, Danny darling. Try Escort Beykoz to remember this; I had two hundred and sixty-eight men in the last two hundred days; you and two hundred and sixty-seven others and I came back to one of them.”She continued, “With all that to chose from would I have come back to someone inferior? Would I have come back to someone I didn’t want? That I didn’t love? To someone who wasn’t enough for me? I could have stayed in New York. I was offered jobs there. I could have done anything I wanted. I’m good at sex, really good actually, I could have made a living at it; earned more than I will at work, but I didn’t. I came home to you.”She stepped a little closer, pulling his brow to her breasts, kissing the top of his head.”I’m certain where I want to be and who I want to be with. Be with every day, but I admit I did get to like sex, I liked having all those guys, not because I’m trying to replace you but just because it was fun. Think of it as a side effect of me learning to be good at it. I know it’s a lot to ask and maybe it would be better if I liked something else.””Something else?””Like sport or sculpture or something. Nothing comes without a risk. Imagine if I was an artist sculpting naked models, would that be any better? I want to work on this with you. I have lots of ideas, but we have to find your way as well as mine. Our way. At least half of those men would have had me over and over if they could. I’m worth keeping Dan, even if I fuck hundreds, thousands of other guys I’m worth keeping. I want you to find your way to knowing that. I won’t fuck anyone else until you’re happy.””But you’d like to?””Dan, I’d like to eat ice cream for breakfast every day, but I don’t because I wouldn’t like to be twenty stone. I’d like to tease and fuck lots of guys, but not if you can’t cope. You being happy is the most important thing. Anything else comes after that.””And if I was never happy with it.””I’d cope,” she said, tipping his head back and bending to kiss him again. “I’d cope, but really, love, I think we can take it further.””How?” he said, tears pouring down his face. “I’ll have nightmares every time you’re with someone else.””It won’t be at night,” she said, “at night I’ll be with you.”She wiped away his tears. “Oh hell, I get it, I’ll fuck someone and come home and fuck you as well and fall asleep happy and you’ll be awake half the night wondering what it was like; wondering if you’re hopeless by comparison. Is that what’s worrying you, is that how you imagine our life?””I don’t know,” he said. “I just don’t know.” He stopped for a second. “It’s worse than that.””How could it be?””They will always be better than me.””Why?””Why would you bother with them if they weren’t? What would be the point? If they weren’t better than me you’d stick with me.””It’s not that simple love. It’s the variety that’s fun. You don’t play the same tune over and over, sometimes you like a change.””But you always come back to your favourite, is that what I’m supposed to think?””I’ve never done the same man twice, apart from you. No matter how good they were I never did them again and I don’t plan to. What that means is that I will never know in advance how good they are and anything they do I’ll tell you about so you can do it too. You’ll get better and better, we’ll get better and better.”June looked at him for half a minute, for a second chewing her bottom lip.”Oh well,” she said. “Neither of us are going to sleep now so I might as well start on phase two. I was going to save it for when you needed entertainment, but I think, well, what I think doesn’t matter, it’s you that matters.”She kissed his head again and moved over to her suitcase. “If you feel tired enough to sleep just say, but until you do there’s some work to do.”She glanced at him, studying Cevizli escort his face and all she saw was confusion.”Some alcohol first,” she said, moving to the fridge and grabbing a bottle of champagne. “This will help you relax.”She poured two glasses and then pulled her laptop out of her bag.”This may drive you completely insane but please try it. I kept records. I’m going to open a file with a picture of every one of two hundred and sixty-six guys. It’s a lot to ask but I want you to look at every one and pick out the ones that make you feel the most jealous. I don’t think any of them will match up to the monster in your dreams, so with luck that will make a start. This really is every one, apart from the footballer today, I didn’t have time to upload him. You don’t have to imagine them, they’re all here,” she giggled for a moment, “warts and all; well no, actually none of them had warts, I wouldn’t have risked that.”There was a pause as the computer came to life and then she found the file.”I’ll put sixteen on each page, that should be big enough for a start.””That’ll be seventeen pages,” he said.”Sounds awful, doesn’t it. Maybe I did overdo it. I thought if there’d only been half a dozen it would have felt more like affairs, wouldn’t it? Well, that’s what I thought, so I deliberately went for as many as I could get, and well, you know, New York’s a big city. Ready?”The first set of pictures sprang up on the screen.”Pity we don’t have a projector,” he said.She laughed, kissed him and then suddenly jumped up. “We do have a giant TV in the other room, I bet it takes an HDMI lead. Hang on darling, your wish is my command.”She grabbed the laptop and ran into the second room of the suite, telling him over her shoulder to wait while she got it ready. A minute later she reappeared and dragged him into the room.On the TV was a huge picture of June. lounging on a bed in the most seductive pose.”Wow,” he said. “What’s that?””That is the picture your slutty whore of a wife used to attract men off the internet so she could have her way with them.””I can see how it would work.”She clicked a remote and another picture appeared, this time the two of them together, him smiling at the camera and her in her wedding dress.”In case you’d forgotten,” she said. “I used to put that picture on the TV every night when anyone visited.””You mean all those guys saw that?””Every time. I didn’t want them getting any ideas, I wanted them to know they were standing in for you.””Very clever,” he said.Sitting on the sofa, suddenly unable to decide what to do with his hands. He reached behind him clasping his fingers behind his head, intertwining them but unable to get comfortable. He changed, leaning forwards, moving his hands to his knees, looking at the floor. “Are you just saying that to make me happy?””Wait till you see the videos.””Videos?””I videoed every one. You have a lot of homework to do but by the time you’ve finished there won’t be any monsters left to imagine.””You were always going to show me?””Always. Well, if you wanted to see. I did feel guilty. I kind of knew I had to be super honest afterwards. When I saw you crying just now I felt terrible. My stomach dropped through the floor. If you’d done this to me — I could see it as clear as day and I felt sick. At least I can own up to everything and not have any secrets; so right now I’m really pleased I made all the tapes.””But that wasn’t why you made them?””Not totally. It was a lot of things, a lot of things. I was turned on by performing, that was part of it and I was trying to learn, so studying the tape afterwards helped me get better. I made notes and everything. You can read those too. That’s how it started and then I read about men who like to see their wives having sex with other guys; some like to hear about it, or get sex texts and some like to watch. I thought if you were like that then you’d want to watch. What do you think?””I have no idea.””Don’t you ever watch porn?””Not since the wedding, I’ve spent every hour I wasn’t working doing up the house, on the phone to you, or asleep.””Damn… Now I do feel like a selfish cow.